Nonsense Novels by Stephen Leacock

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By Stephen Leacock

I. — Maddened via secret: or, The faulty Detective the good detective sat in his workplace. He wore a protracted eco-friendly dress and part a dozen mystery badges pinned to the skin of it. 3 or 4 pairs of fake whiskers held on a whisker-stand beside him. Goggles, blue spectacles and motor glasses lay inside effortless succeed in. He may possibly thoroughly conceal himself at a second's observe. part a bucket of cocaine and a dipper stood on a chair at his elbow. His face used to be completely impenetrable. A pile of cryptograms lay at the table. the good Detective swiftly tore them open one by one, solved them, and threw them down the cryptogram-shute at his part. there has been a rap on the door. the nice Detective hurriedly wrapped himself in a red domino, adjusted a couple of fake black whiskers and cried, "Come in." His secretary entered. "Ha," acknowledged the detective, "it is you!" He laid apart his hide.

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Where was it? At the races, or the theatre--on a bus--no. Some subtler thread of memory was stirring in his mind. He strode hastily to the sideboard, drained a dipper and a half of brandy, and became again the perfect English gentleman. While Gertrude has gone to the nursery to make the acquaintance of the two tiny golden-haired children who are to be her charges, let us say something here of the Earl and his son. Nonsense Novels, by Stephen Leacock 41 Lord Nosh was the perfect type of the English nobleman and statesman.

At times in her presence he would fall, especially after dinner, into a fit of profound subtraction. Once at night, when Gertrude withdrew to her chamber and before seeking her pillow, prepared to retire as a preliminary to disrobing--in other words, before going to bed, she flung wide the casement (opened the window) and perceived (saw) the face of Lord Ronald. He was sitting on a thorn bush beneath her, and his upturned face wore an expression of agonised pallor. Meanwhile the days passed. Life at the Taws moved in the ordinary routine of a great English household.

He looked up at the top of the Metropolitan Tower. He saw no work there. He looked across at the skyscrapers on Madison Square, but his eye detected no work in any of them. He stood on his head and looked up at the flat-iron building. Still no work in sight. All that day and the next Hezekiah looked for work. A Wall Street firm had advertised for a stenographer. " they said. " They threw him down the elevator. Hezekiah was not discouraged. That day he applied for fourteen jobs. The Waldorf Astoria was in need of a chef.

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